It has been a very long time since I have made a note here. I have no reason or excuse, only that I have not felt like writing. Now that I have a computer again I suppose it could be easier to make regular entries. Because I am feeling generally uninspired and tired due to an alien parasite attacking my uterus, I am forcing myself to start writing because it is an easy way to encourage creativity. This is an unplanned public declaration that I do not feel creative and I really just feel like complaining about the abundance of Lego on my floor and the fact that someone told me they heard I gained weight. Isn't that a nice thing to say? Yes, it is true I am gaining weight but it is due to the alien parasite. I am happy to be harbouring a fugitive none the less. I feel like we have something in common.
I am happy to be pregnant. Peoples' reactions on the other hand have caught me off guard but I am not sure if it is because I am hormonal and extra sensitive or if people are ass holes. I will decide later.
People seem to think life is easier with a husband. I have not had that experience and being independent seems to be the safest route for now. Not that I don't want a partner or that I am against it. I actually don't have a choice right now!
It is not my idea of fun to have to call someone and tell them if I went three dollars over the grocery budget and that I will be ten minutes late because I had to take a shit. I am ok single for now.
I am sure that I will eventually find someone who is really amazing and who i want to be with. I am only referring to the frustration of people judging me for having this baby by myself. I am doing it differently, not wrong. You do not need to be the person who informs people of the many difficulties associated with being a single parent. The single parent knows that. Just like I do not need to be the one to tell you about your life. You already know about it.
I have learned from enough from my own past to know what a mistake looks like and although it may not be ideal or easy, this is not a mistake.
Bless you Yvonne for having such clarity in your life. xo
ReplyDeleteThis post makes me smile. You can always articulate so much better the thoughts that go through my own mind.
ReplyDeleteIt's too bad if others generalize life-altering decisions- It is definitely better to be on your own, especially if the other options are not... let's say... good (for lack of wording). It's always shocking to me the advice that people think they can give me - especially if they have no real place or influence in my life. Relationship, or maybe perceived relationship is what gives people a right to speak in our lives.
So, anyways - my advice from someone who can be hypocritical at times and respond poorly when receiving shocking news (sorry about that):
write if you feel like it, don't if you don't.
Enjoy your parasite - it's yours (for now! until it becomes itself :-))
and ...
You are loved.
Big hugs from your sister.
I called the girls Perry the Parasite when i was pregnant. I was told not to call them that but I was saying it in Jest. Congratulations on producing a single baby! You are going to have such a different experience this time. If you can survive twins, you can do anything!
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